Shocking huh? Considering the amount of times I’ve said that on this blog I guess no one will be surprised that I’m dieting again. Of course I’m hoping this is the last time, but then I’ve said that before too!
This time around I actually have something to aim for, which I’m hoping will give me the motivation that I need to get my rather rotund arse in gear once and for all. It’s my friend’s wedding in August next year and I want to be considerably smaller by then and I’m determined I will be. I want to look nice and be confident in how I look for the first time in about 15 years. And I don’t want to hide from the camera. Not only for the wedding but also in general. I have no pictures of me and the kids, none that I’d ever let anyone but me see anyway and I want to put an end to that. I want pictures of us together, not just of them, so I have to change.
Another thing that’s different this time is I’ve joined Weight Watchers. I haven’t been a Weight Watchers member for about ten years, when I used to help out at meetings in an effort to ensure I didn’t try to get out of going to them myself. I’ve dabbled with slimming world, slimming tablets, doing it on my own and very low calorie diets. It all works for a while and I just give up, but I’ve got to stop that and make sure I persevere. I’ve avoided joining a group in the past because of the money and the distance, as well as childcare issues. But this time I’ve booked the toddler into nursery an extra day a week and am travelling half an hour each way just to suffer the humiliation of someone else weighing me, so not only do I want to make it work for myself, I need to lose weight to make sacrificing all that extra money worth while too!
I started at the end of April and weighed in last Tuesday 6lb less than I started out, so that’s good. I was doing the new ‘Filling and Healthy’ option for my first week and that seemed to work quite well, but this week I’m giving pointing everything a go. It’s easy to follow but it just seems like I can eat an awful lot of stuff and I’ve found myself really stuck for recipes. I’m so uninspired that I’ve had to order myself two Weight Watchers cook books, which will hopefully arrive next week, and trawl through loads of diet food blogs in the hope of finding something I fancy making for dinner – which I don’t. Needless to say if anyone has any nice diet friendly recipes feel free to link to them in the comments coz I sure need the inspiration right now!
Another thing I’m trying to do is exercise. I even volunteered for a virtual 5k for the Lullaby Trust that my friend Hayley is running throughout May. It basically involves walking, running, cycling, skating, cartwheeling, whatever you fancy for 5 kilometers and donating £5 to the cause. The Lullaby Trust is a charity that many a blogger will know as linked with little Matilda Mae, who is the daughter of fellow blogger Jennie, who sadly died in her sleep due to SIDs. The Lullaby Trust help people who have been affected by SIDs, like Jennie and a few of my friends, and raises awareness of SIDs. Needless to say, it was an easy decision to make to part with just a few pounds to help fund such a fantastic charity. What wasn’t going to be easy however is doing 5km worth of anything.
Allow me to set the picture for you. I’m fat. I’m not just a few pounds overweight, not even just a few stones overweight. Depending on which chart you consult I’m between 7 and a half and ten stone overweight. Needless to say I’m no gym bunny and I’m certainly not what you could call fit in any way shape or form, nor had I exercised for about a year, so I really did doubt I could do it. I was nervous about accepting the challenge, despite having the entire month to build up to it if I needed to. I even ummed and ahhed over whether I could do it because it wouldn’t just be me I was letting down if I couldn’t do it. But with Hayley as my own personal cheerleader, I got on my exercise bike and the first day I did 2.5km. I promised myself that I’d get on my bike every morning the toddler was at nursery and so the second morning I got on my bike and somehow cycled 5km.
I’m not quite sure how I did it, it didn’t even take long, probably under 20 minutes, which is nothing compared to the hour long sessions I used to spend on there years ago. But it was a big deal for me. I went from nothing to cycling 5km in just two days and although that isn’t a large distance for someone who is fit or regularly does it, to me it just shows me that I can do it. I can lose weight and I can exercise and get fitter. I’m actually thinking of trying to do 10km in one go by the end of the month and see if I can double the distance I’ve managed already.
I think I’m at the stage now where I’ve come to the realisation that I do need to do this and to do it I have to make time for me. Whether that’s to go to a Weight Watchers meeting or making sure I go on the exercise bike before I turn on my computer to work or blog, or check emails, or whatever other excuse I have for not taking care of myself. Because at the end of the day that is exactly what I’ve been doing for years. Not taking care of myself and that’s how I’ve ended up fat and miserable and that needs to change. So wish me luck because I’ll need it!