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23 Things You’ll Appreciate as a Mother of Teenage Girls

music-680561_1280I don’t know about you but now my eldest has officially become a teenager, she has morphed into a monosyllabic, make up wearing, hormonal grump. There was a bit of a build up, her tweenage years definitely eased me in a bit, but now we are in the full throws of regular hormonal meltdowns. Life is after all ‘So unfair’. Here’s a few things I’ve realised that go hand in hand with ‘owning’ a child of the teenage variety:

  • She appears to have her own language. Sick no longer means someone is ill, it actually means something is really good – apparently. YOLO is another one which is brought out on a regular basis, as is LOL, but not in the written sense, she actually says LOL – I have this conversation with her practically every day, if something makes you ‘laugh out loud’ why not actually laugh rather than say LOL – apparently that makes me embarrassing – again! She also says hashtag all the time #annoying #embarrassing #yolo #sick – why are you hashtagging things in a sentence!
  • The amount of time spent in the bathroom seems to have risen with her age. She now has ‘pamper evenings’, she shaves stuff, she ‘experiments’ with makeup and her hair and then instagrams it all. Just getting ready for school can take over an hour and she’s attempted to go to Scouts wearing bright red lipstick before too. Thank god she has her own bathroom that’s all I’m gonna say!
  • She constantly has a pair of earphones on, even if they aren’t connected to anything. I’m not sure if this is so she can pretend she can’t hear me or if it is for ease of plugging herself into whichever electronic device she just so happens to fancy listening to/watching next, whatever the reason it drives me mad.
  • If you leave your purse laying around, or even in your bag rather than in a bank vault, it is fair game. As is any change you leave on the sides or in the car. The amount of times I have gone to pay for parking or use my trusty coin for the trolley that I always keep in the car, to find it gone, is ridiculous! Oh and she has more money than I do. She stockpiles her pocket money and spends mine instead. That is when she can find her money of course as it often gets left laying around and when she can’t find it she blames me for taking it!
  • She is so sweet, often telling me she loves me. I catch a glimpse of the sweet little girl she once was and my heart softens a little. Then she follows it up with ‘Can I have a lift/Can I have £20’ just to shatter the illusion.
  • She believes swearing in other languages is acceptable because I couldn’t possibly know what she’s on about.
  • Any music I like that isn’t bang up to date is referred to as ‘vintage’ and no that isn’t a compliment. Equally if I profess to like any of the songs she likes I’m ‘so embarassing’.
  • The one thing that will guarantee a teenage meltdown complete with screaming, tears, throwing things and door slamming is asking her to tidy her room. You see if a teens room has even the slightest path between all the crap from the door to the bed it is considered tidy, any argument about that fact is met with huffing and puffing, then closely followed by tears and wails of ‘it’s soooooooooo unfair’.
  • A teenagers idea of tidying said filthy room is to shove everything into wardrobes or under the bed so when you open the wardrobe you’re met with an avalanche of clothes, books, homework and 5 day old food bursting out of the wardrobe and spilling across the floor. Asking your teen to clean it up will result in screams of protest and that it was tidy and no one looks in the wardrobe anyway.
  • They NEVER have any clothes to wear, ever! Whether that’s because the little filth bags leave it in heaps on the floor which eventually get kicked under the bed or stuffed into the wardrobe out of sight, or they have 1000 items of clothing in their bulging wardrobes but they simply can’t find anything they could possibly wear to school/the shops/out with friends. It is of course sooooooo unfair.
  • Don’t even bother suggesting an outfit to your teenager. You will be met with death stares and the usual ‘that’s so embarrassing’, along with ‘what would you know about fashion, you’re old’.
  • Expect your teen to experiment with their style. You could be going to the shops and they’ll want to wear what can only be described as a party/going out dress. If you tell them to remove it and put something more approriate for the occasion on you will again be met with death stares and ‘it’s sooooooo unfair’.
  • Any attempts at ‘being down with the kids’ will be met with disdain. For example I recently asked the teen if she was into Zoella (come on every teenage girl is aren’t they) to be met with an eye roll and was informed it was all about American vloggers not homegrown talent and what the hell would I know anyway. Oh and I was an embarrassment – again!
  • On the recent One Direction scandal of Zayn leaving the band, her thoughts were anyone who was sad enough to get upset about someone leaving a band should go see a psychiatrist. When I told her girls were upset when Robbie left Take That when I was younger she told me to ‘get a life and stop living in the past’. That told me then!
  • She has a shocking ability to transform from demon teen to sweetness and light infront of her teachers and friend’s parents in an instant. No one seems to believe me when I tell them I think she might be the spawn of satan because infront of other people she is adorable.
  • With teens comes hormones and lots of them. One minute she’s happy and laughing, the next she’s having an almighty meltdown and she may not even be sure why. Remember your hormones when you were pregnant – it’s pretty much like that but instead of 9 months it lasts from about the age of 11 and a half until 18 – yay!
  • She’s always late to leave for school. She takes an age to get ready as every day is a fashion show (the joys of a school with no school uniform) and of course she can never find anything to wear – see the point above for more on that little gem!
  • She wears ridiculously unsuitable footwear for school then asks me to pick her up because she can’t walk home in her heeled boots. My answer to just change her shoes was met with absolute disdain and a lecture about how changing her boots would mean changing her entire outfit and make her late for school. Silly me.
  • Teenage girls will always shave/pluck something you’ve told them not to. It started with her arm pits which I was ok with then progressed to her legs which I’m not too happy about. Last week she did her eyebrows. Her beautiful eyebrows which had such a lovely shape to them. Now they’re ok but nothing like the gorgeous ones she had. Voicing my opinion on the matter was met with ‘Oh for gods sake, they’re not your eyebrows and look at the state of yours anyway’. Nice!
  • Teens spend a ridiculous amount of time on Vine and Youtube watching anything from parodies to cute cats making weird noises.
  • They instagram everything! And I mean everything. If you think you use instagram a lot as a blogger or a parent, you have nothing on teens. They literally don’t stop and get the rotten ump if no one likes or comments on their pictures.
  • Don’t respond to friends requests from your teen’s friends on Facebook, you really don’t want to see what they get up to, trust me! But if underage piercings, drinking, snogging and god only knows what else is your thing and you fancy giving yourself heart failure on a regular basis, then you go right ahead!
  • You suddenly realise your baby girl has become attractive to the opposite sex and the local spotty faced youths give her a second look as she walks past. I may take to carrying a baseball bat or employ a bodyguard!

I’m sure there are plenty more that I’ve forgotten, can you add any?

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